


In the Independent City-State of Dildopolis

by theleaveswant



Category: Community
Genre: Dildos, F/F, F/M, Gen, Sharing, Shopping, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-19
Updated: 2011-10-19
Packaged: 2017-10-24 18:36:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/266604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theleaveswant/pseuds/theleaveswant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Annie runs into Britta outside the "marital aid" store she lives above but has never set foot inside</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Independent City-State of Dildopolis

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stainofmylove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stainofmylove/gifts).



> For the fifth round of the Five Acts meme.

“Britta, hi!”

A hand clamped down on Britta's shoulder and she jumped and turned around, her hand flying away from the door handle as from a hot skillet and she yanked her earphones out of her ears.

“Annie!” She tucked the earphones into her pocket and forced her heart down out of her throat. “So good to see you!”

“What are you doing here?” Annie said, glancing around at her neighbourhood, voice dropping as she spoke as if someone were turning down the volume on her speaker.

“Ah ha!” Britta laughed. “I . . . came to see you, silly billy! Silly billy bilby silby!”

“Really?” Annie frowned. “Because the door to my apartment is on the other side of the building . . .”

She looked over Britta's shoulder at the door with its 'no admittance to persons under 18' sign wedged crookedly between glass and mirrored plastic sheeting.

“You came here to shop at Dildopolis, didn't you?”

“I . . . yes.” Britta said. “But I totally would have come to visit you too if I'd remembered that you lived here!”

“That's okay,” Annie said, looking sadly up at the window display full of heart-shaped pillows and mannequins dressed as sexy postal workers. “I understand.”

“Do you want to go for a coffee after I'm done shopping? Or before?”

“Oh, no, you don't have to . . .” Annie paused and bit her lip, then leaned in closer and blushed as she spoke. “Did you know, I've never actually been inside?”

“Inside what? Dildopolis? Oh, you totally should. It is surprisingly way less creepy on the inside than it looks like from out here.”

“Really? Would . . . you mind if we went in together?”

“What, now?” Britta blinked. “Oh. Hm. I don't . . .”

Annie's face fell again and she started to step back.

“I don't see why not!” Britta recovered, and grabbed Annie's arm to pull her inside before she made a big deal out of crossing the threshold into the unknown.

Annie squeaked and scrunched her eyes tightly shut as if she expected to be met with a rush of cold air or a blinding spotlight, and kept them closed until after Britta had wrenched free of her panicked grip and left her alone just inside the store. She cracked one eye experimentally, then opened them both wide.

“Wow!” She said. “This _is_ surprisingly way less creepy!”

Britta grunted acknowledgement from where she was already carefully scrutinizing a rack of individually packaged dildos.

Annie approached her hesitantly. “What are you looking for?”

Britta looked up at her, wondering if she could actually shock Annie into fainting. “A new schlong, obviously. Maybe something with more veiny texture and big swinging balls? Old Mr. Pokey just ain't quite cutting the mustard anymore, if ya know what I mean.”

“Oh.” Annie said, looking a little pale, but with her wide eyes focused on the array of dongs in front of her it was hard to tell whether she'd actually heard. “They're all so different! I guess I never expected . . .”

“Yeah,” Britta agreed, holding two of her fingers up against a package to get a better idea of its functional size. “Like ice cream cones. Or like the real thing, I guess.” She snorted and pointed at one on the rack a little to Annie's right. “There's Vaughn.”

Annie giggled, and Britta, grinning, pointed out another one.

“That one's Jeff.”

Annie gasped, then pouted disappointedly. “Oh. I wonder what Troy's is like?”

Britta froze. “Obviously I have no idea and I don't know why you'd think I would. I can't imagine why you'd even ask me such a question.”

“What question? I just said—” Annie gasped again. “You had sex with Troy?!”

“No!” Britta hissed. “I did kiss him, though, when we were in drama class together and I thought he'd been molested.”

“Oh . . .” Annie frowned. “I kissed Abed when he was Han Solo.”

“Good for you!”

Annie brightened. “Hey, Britta. Do you think I should get one? For practice, I mean.”

Britta rolled her eyes—practice, right. “Actually, yes. I think you should totally get one. Which one do you want?”

“Oh, I don't know! Which kind feels best?”

“Well, that depends on you. Size, shape, firmness, vibration, degree of resemblance to a cartoon caterpillar, it's all your choice. If I were you, though,” Britta said, tapping Annie on the shoulder, “I'd get one with a flared base that's harness compatible.”

“Why would I want that?”

“Versatility! Makes it easier and a lot more fun to use it on somebody else, or to get someone else to use it on you.” Britta smiled and winked at Annie, who blushed in confused consternation.

“I don't know what you—oh. OH.”

“See? It's good to keep your options open.”

Annie smiled hesitantly back, then caught Britta frowning over her shoulder and turned to look. Her eyes widened again when she saw Jeff walk nonchalantly into the store, notice them, turn on his heel and walk out again without comment, and she giggled all the way to the cash register.


End file.
